My Story: Best feeling in the World!

         

I am new at this. But I have a passion for something and I need to voice it! I absolutely love making people feel beautiful. Inside and out. I am a hairstylist and I am working towards being a personal trainer. I love helping people love themselves. And this is why.

            4 years ago, I had my first son Cohen. He was such a perfect baby. Fortunately, I got some pretty dang good genes (thanks mom) so I was back to my normal weight fairly quickly and with nursing, I lost about 10 extra pounds within the first 6 months. I’d never been that weight before… it went straight to my head.  I was burning tons of calories nursing, going on bike rides every day with Cohen, doing insanity every day, going on walks every day and I had so much energy. I was doing as much cardio as I possibly could. It was so wonderful. I started weighing myself every day as well. I wanted to see if I could loose 2 more pounds. So I started eating little amounts at every meal, not snacking at all. I was wasting away. Everyone I knew that saw me told me “You don’t look so good. You need to eat more” That comment right there almost drove me to be worse. People were noticing. It was then a sickness. When I looked at myself in the mirror I didn’t see a mom who had this amazing little boy and a wonderful husband, I saw a roll here and there. Imperfections. It got worse and worse. I was always feeling “fat” in my clothes. I thought a lower weight would make me happy.  

    My little boy Cohen was such an amazing baby that my husband and I decided to start trying for another one when Cohen was 10 months old. I stopped nursing and my body had a little freak out moment. My periods were so bad; I got the flu every month. I believe it was because I was so unhealthy that my body couldn’t function properly. After 3 months of that, I went to see the doctor. He did a bunch of blood tests and told me my hormones were not at the right levels AND he thought I needed to gain weight. Only a few pounds he told me.  “I’ll just try the hormones first” I told my husband. “I don’t want to get fat BEFORE I get pregnant!” So I tried the hormones. They didn’t work. So I went on more hormones. Clomid. The worst thing you could ever put your body through. It was so incredibly hard! I started Clomid 8 months after I started trying for a baby. I was heartbroken. I didn’t know why I wasn’t getting pregnant. My mom sat me down one day and said “Erica, you need to gain at least 10 pounds. And then I think you will get pregnant.” OK! OK! I tried the entire time I was on Clomid to gain those 10 pounds. It was so hard emotionally and mentally (definitely not physically!). Every day was a battle in my head. I finally gained the 10 pounds. I looked so much healthier although I was very unhappy with myself. I took a break from the hormones because they were so hard on my body and I had been on them for 3 months.  The next month, after I had gone off the hormones, had gained 10 pounds, and was doing less cardio; I got pregnant with my 2^nd little boy Westin. I realized something. I could either be the mother I’ve always wanted to be, or I could be sick and unhappy - ALL THE TIME.

**Moral of the story: I may be new at this blogging thing but I have an experience that I think a lot of women experience but no one ever talks about it. I will. And my goal in life is to make all women - no matter their insecurity - feel better about themselves. Loving yourself is so much more fun than being obsessed with a number. I want everyone to learn to love themselves like I have learned to love myself. It is the best feeling in the world!